Issue 005: An Instagram Break and New Beliefs

Audio version of this post:

– Thoughts Worth Sharing –

Assalam o Alaikum friend,

I am writing this letter to you in a surprisingly familiar place.  It was planned that I would be surrounded by tall, green trees, an even colder temperature and the comforts of my mom’s company while penning this to you. Alas, my trip to visit my family was diverted in a way which I never would have thought! The airport is three hours away from here and just as we had grabbed our lunch and were twenty minutes away from it, my phone buzzed to let me know that my flight was cancelled and I was rebooked for an entire day later.  What followed after was a mix of emotions with unlikely choices where I ended up cancelling the trip, accepting the hotel provided by the airline, and heading back home the following day.  To be honest, I was feeling very down.  This was a trip that I was looking forward to since last month.  It was when I was to meet my family after two years and the circumstances couldn’t have been better.  I was supposed to have a good time, there were great chances of that happening which is in stark contrast to every other time I had been there.  This was going to be a good trip with my family.  As I am writing this, I still don’t know the wisdom behind what happened.  Maybe Allah ﷻ protected my parents from a possible covid infection as a direct result of me traveling to them (a concern unsettling my heart with the sudden uptick), maybe the flight was going to be unsafe and everyone on our flight’s time was not up yet, or it could have been an infinite number of reasons.  I just have to trust Him that His timing prevented harm and introduced good.  While feeling the very human emotions, I must have a good opinion of Him, that is my task as a believer.  So as dismayed as I feel right now still sitting in my home in New Mexico, it is with gratitude that I am writing today’s letter to you. Alhumdulillah.  So let’s get to the things that I want to share with you today.

• 01 // An Instagram Break

Just last week, a compelling thought cemented into my mind.  Are you one of the people who takes immediate action when something settles into your mind or do you mull over it for some time?  I learned that I was the former more than a decade ago when I decided to wear the hijab.  It was the most random moment where I knew that I would not walk tomorrow without it and if I didn’t take steps to ensure that, then I would talk myself out of that conviction. I learned something about myself then.  That same type of conviction settled into my heart last week when I thought to take a break from Instagram.  With the risk of rationalizing myself away from it like I had done periodically last year, I did not wait a moment and immediately disabled my account temporarily. The following few days were a little strange but I feel slightly refreshed.  Instagram has been a part of my life for nearly 7 years so taking this break is a pretty big deal.  I had been feeling overwhelmed for the past year.  It used to be a joyful place for me but it has been shifting to something else for some time now.  However, I am not sure if I am built to be without it.  You see, I first joined instagram because I was lacking sisterhood. My community was very inactive and the masjid more of a requirement than a heartfelt place of worship.  I was very dismayed and decided to seek sisterhood online where I could connect with people who valued Islam and were trying to hold onto it in a time where leaving it seemed easier.  Now, when instagram has been changing its priorities to become more and more capitalistic and political, I am again in a city where there is no community.  (As a side note, not having a masjid and having one that is merely a building feels exactly the same).  Which means that currently in my life, there is no physical community and there is no virtual one either.  I already miss the friendships that I have made on instagram and several of you have reached out to check up on me.  For that I have a mixture of guilt and joy.  Our sisterhood is strong.  What else is to be expected from a union made out of nothing but love for Allah (swt)?

I am not sure if this will last or for how long it will, but I know that I need this now.  Perhaps I will log in again mid-February when I have settled into a study routine and can start to find some spaces in the day to connect with my IG friends because I do miss them.  I am looking forward to continuing our routine conversation here with you in the Wednesday Musings letter until then, insha’Allah.

• 02 // Affording an Ethical Wardrobe

If you had been following me on instagram, a few weeks ago I shared about getting a new treadmill and the woes of finding one that was affordable.  It required to be opened up and fiddled with a little but now it is running perfectly with me hopping on it for a walk almost daily, alhumdulillah.  It turns out that I did not have very good walking shoes and after several sore toes and limped hobbles around the house, I decided to get sneakers from a place whose ethics I feel comfortable with. These won my heart and I just walked on them for the first time today and it was a dream. 

The thing with anything marketed “sustainable” or “ethical”  is that price tag is always high which makes it not affordable for everyone. These shoes made a big dent in my wallet!  If you can relate to this then I invite you to make your own “ethical.”  You see, in a capitalistic society it is not the consumer who makes the rules.  The power-that-be do market research and predict consumer behaviors. But we are our own people and our behaviors must find their way towards Allah ﷻ.   Not being able to afford such labeled items does not mean that we can dismiss the struggle altogether.  The solution is quite personal. How about shopping from a small business instead? Maybe it is Nike that you would like to get your hands on in case of shoes, then why not try to find a small business which carries them and that way, you can primarily support them. If you can afford the sustainable ones, then definitely make room for them. Fort instance, I purchased this cotton hijab from Aurora Hijabs because I wanted to support a business that is striving for inclusivity in the Muslim space.  I know the hijabs do not fulfill my other criteria that I wish they would (like this much higher priced brand does for good reason), I still want to be thoughtful in what I can afford.  So I got the cotton hijab from a Aurora Hijabs, a small business.  It is not the best and an ideal solution, but it is a more personal one that I can do right now.  Focus on what you can currently do, be true to yourself, and continuously check your intentions.

• 03 // An Affirmation

Last week, I spent some time looking through the academic calendar to see when I would be getting a possible break. Seeing just two was little jarring.  My life is about to change! Here is that hope coming up again and my affirmation is the following: I have the tools I need to succeed, alhumdulillah.

In this photo: 

1. planner inserts and tabs from here, 
2. ring binder from here, 
3. this planner, 
4. these pens that I can’t wait to get in more colors insha’Allah.

• 04 // Interesting Tidbits

This ebook by Yaqeen Institute looks promising

I enjoyed watching this reading journal setup

I have been slightly addicted to this series, islamophobic and slightly racial storylines aside (insert expected eye roll here)and have started a new Quotes Journal with captured quotes from things that I watch or read that stood out to me. This will be from non-spiritual sources. I imagined myself to make several mistakes in this but I did not expect to change the word “fate” for “feet.” 😀

Thank you for spending time with me today, friend. It was nice to catch up with you! 

See you next time.

With love,

Samia