My Thyroid Taught Me About Love

If you have been following me on instagram, then you are aware of my life-changing situation.  It has taken me a bit of courage, a bit of self confidence, and a bit of vulnerability to write this post detailing more of what the situation actually is.  (Pretend you didn’t read the title of this post, mmkay?) This is the big day and here is the big reveal (no, it’s not a boy.  Read: My request while going through infertility): I have recently been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s (a thyroid condition), uterine polyps, and multifollicular ovaries.  What a mouthful!  When life gives you lemons, it tends to give you lots of them, let’s just put it that way.

This has not been an easy journey.  Traveling with my new Japanese friend, Hashimoto’s (it was discovered my a Japanese specialist, apparently, so I have resorted to this less overwhelming title), has been difficult knowing that this is a lifelong condition.  Although there has been instances of it going into remission, the reality is that my life is not going to be what it has been.  There are going to be alterations in my dietary habits as well as possible medicinal interventions.

I am only telling my personal physical conditions to the blog-world to share a profound realization.  It taught me such a powerful lesson that I feel unjust if I did not share it with you.  But before I can impart with you my experience, I need to set the scene first.

When the doctor gave me the diagnosis, I left the office feeling completely hopelesss.  You see, I am not on any medication yet alhumdulillah.  My instructions were simply to monitor the progress every few months, and once it gets to a certain point, then medication will be my best friend, alongside the (un)comfortable companionship of my new Japanese counterpart.  If you know me even a little bit, then you know how unacceptable this approach is to me.  It is impossible for me to sit helpless, hands tucked under my legs, waiting for the storm to blow over.  I have to do something. So I began to do a bit of research and came to the conclusion that I need to make some dietary changes to help the body heal a little. I am to avoid the following for the next few months: Dairy, Gluten, Grains, Refined Sugars and Brassicas, while increasing my intake of probiotics, certain supplements, and fermented dishes.

Surely I am not the only one to feel overwhelmed? I don’t think there is an acronym enough to contain the challenge of such a dietary lifestyle.  DFGFGFRSFBF? I can not even read that in my mind much less use my lips to share it over coffee. A few days in, I was hungry, nervous, angry, confused, and unsure if I even wanted to continue on this path. Should I just wait for the condition to worsen and hook myself to the lifeline of conventional medicine?  Am I only prolonging the inevitable?

I remember the moment when I sat on the middle of the sofa, legs folded under me in my true desi fashion, desperation in my thoughts – so palpable, then I could feel it with each breath – thinking, This is hard. This is very hard. And it was then when it hit me, slowly yet vividly:  I am indeed loved. Do you remember playing the child’s game where you are looking for 3-D picture inside of a repeated-patterned image? If you stare at it long enough, cross your eyes just enough, then, as clear as day, a figure appears on the page.  It is then that you are sure of its existence, even if it was not so before.  All you have to do is twist your eyes just a little to see it once more.  For me, in that moment, it was just like that.  It was clear and my mind was twisted enough to see it:  I am loved.

You see, about six months before any of this was revealed to me, my life had taken a turn towards a more healthy street.  I had been following meal plans, refocusing on my workouts, and learning how to fuel my body with nutrition.  And only a few months before my diagnoses, I had begun following these health-oriented instagram accounts where the influencers had been dealing with auto-immune conditions and hushing them into a minute existence.  I had been reading gluten free recipes, browsing the world of good quality nut milks, and seeing different Buddha bowls in my feed.  All of it is exactly what I now need and did not need before.

It’s as if, as if, Allah (swt) had been preparing me for this phase of my life all along.  Unbeknownst to me or my doctor or to those who ran my tests, I was being given every resource I would need to deal with this exact life-changing experience that had not yet happen.  I was given the cheat sheet to breeze through this test in my life.

If that was not enough, it was in yet another moment of seeking that a new meal planning resource fell onto my lap that has since made my life so much easier (Read: What I am Loving This Season).  Hasn’t Allah (swt) promised that with every difficulty, there are two types of ease?

Undoubtedly, this was written well before I can imagine.  My fate was decided: I was to have a new Japanese roommate, it was meant to be a sudden arrangement and it was meant to happen a few months after my 30th birthday.  And Allah (swt), in His infinite Mercy and Wisdom, had opened doors for my survival through this arduous task even before I knew that I needed them.

There is not a moment of doubt in my mind when I say that this happens to everyone.  Some difficulties are a thousand times more draining than mine, but I know that Allah (swt) has opened the doors of ease for those who are going through them.  What struggles are you going through?  Allah’s (swt) help is there.  It is there, my dearest sister.  He has always been there, preparing you through His Mercy, strengthening you, laying out tools for you to deal with your struggle right now.  Once you see it, a clear and perfect 3-d image on top of the blur of emotions, know that the next steps are about to get easier.  Anticipate it.  Be grateful, be utterly thankful, ask for forgiveness, take steps towards Allah (swt) so that this short journey of life with its difficulties and struggles can pave the beautified path towards everlasting peace.

-S