Issue 013: Planning for the End

In this issue: Estate planning, Health updates, New reading method, Planning for Residency

Assalam o Alaikum friend,

Over the last few weeks I have whipped out my phone more than a dozen times to take a photo because something had happened and I wanted to share it with you. Being off of instagram has been refreshing, it has made me miss the Sunnah Family more, and yet it is allowing me more energy to do the things that I have to (school and home) and that I want to (see section: Back to Reading).

Today, however, I want to share with you something about estate planning that we are embarking on as a couple as we find ourselves thinking about our own inevitable end. It is a bit of a long read so if you want to know more about estate planning, read the first section. If you would rather skip it, then hop over to the next one.

01 // Estate Planning

After going through the loss of our mother in law, our perspective has continued to shift. Witnessing a death and what leads to it had an unveiling effect for me where the choreographed performances seen on TV of someone in the same position were lifted so I can witness the reality of exactly what happens. Not only to the dying but to those around them.

My studies for Marriage and Family Therapy have also provided me more insights into how a death event impacts the entire family system. I am sure that my family is not the only one with stories about families fracturing over inheritance. Siblings not speaking to one another, cousins formulating opinions of one another, and, even worst, children having a contentious relationship with the surviving parent.

Laying out both of our family histories in front of us and learning a thing or two about wills and living testaments, we decided to take a step towards estate planning. I thought the word “estate” belonged to wealthy families with multiple properties and millions in assets. Was I the only one? Well, that is far from truth and any one can plan exactly what happens to their assets after they’re passing through the process of estate planning.

Why Estate Planning and Not a Will?

Great question and one that we pondered over for all of ten minutes after deciding that estate planning is the best way to move forward. Wills are a single document where a person dictates what they will like to happen to their assets after death. Wills are one piece of document that needs to be presented to probate court and it can take months (even years) for it to be executed if it is not contested and if there is anything left over after the probate proceedings. Will is available for the public and anyone can view it. Basically, a Will is a shot in the dark and it may hit the mark, or it may not. It is also considerably less expensive than creating an estate.

Estate planning gets into the nitty gritty and avoids probate court entirely. It hops over any proceedings and lands directly on disseminating assets the way that the trustees (those who established the estate) intended. For our purposes, it is important to go to a Muslim estate attorney so that they can take into account the Islamic inheritance laws where every one gets the share that they are entitled to (and not what they deserve according to what our human mind would justify). It is more expensive than creating a will, takes longer, and is private. It also hides your assets so no one can google and find out anything about them.

What You Need to Begin

We started the process a few months ago and it is still underway as it can take 3-5 months for an estate to be established. You will need a list of all of your assets, liquid and otherwise, any retirement planning accounts, and a list of all of your bank accounts.

An estate is useful only if there is something in it. If you establish an estate and no assets were assigned to it, then your assets will be subjected to the probate proceedings. All of your assets are transferred into the estate and what can not be transferred, your estate is listed as a beneficiary. You also have to decide who will be the executor once you pass away. Choose the executor wisely because he or she will make decisions on your behalf should you be mentally or physically incapacitated in addition to executing the estate after your death. There is also someone you can assign to oversee the executor to ensure your instructions are being followed.

If you are creating an estate with your spouse and if you were to die first, then you also detail how it is transferred over to the living spouse. Your spouse would become the executor upon the first death. After the first death, the estate, after going through what was intended, is transferred over to the living spouse. Another reason why choosing to stay with a life partner needs to be a conscious decision because your livelihood, your inheritance, your medical decision making falls into that person’s hands, if needed.

If both parties die, then the executor takes over and the estate is dissolved once everything is accomplished. Some people with more means may choose to keep the estate alive and use it to generate funds and donate them on a continuous bases. There is a lot more flexibility with what you can do with an estate.

Some thoughts

The end of life is a test for the one who is passing but also a test for those around that person. There is a test of grief and bereavement which determines how you handled the loss and how you maintained your obligations to Allah ﷻ. And then there is a test of temptation because once the life ends, a lot has to be done and should you allow the whisperings of shaytan to take hold, then your decisions will be tainted with dire consequences. Stay true to Islamic principles, not the ones that you grew up with (unless you had scholarly parents), but those that are consulted with a person of knowledge, and do your best insha’Allah while not allowing any justification of any kind of greed to take to root in your heart.

[clockwise from top left]

◉ My matcha love-affair is still ongoing with a refill arriving in the inbox ready to be opened. ◉ I was amazed at how the plant cauterized itself over a few days after deciding that a part of it was no longer useful. ◉ This excerpt from a book on my reading list which can be used for any of our relationships where we might be doing a disservice to others in these ways based on our own limitations and not their abilities. ◉ A new Mr. Robot arrived after prime day and this kitty decided it loved the warm box which had been sitting in the desert heat. Mr. Robot vacuums the home while I breath a sigh of relief.

02 // Health Updates

One of the reasons for my social media hiatus is my inability to muster enough energy to do everything that needs to be done. My fatigue has been crippling, at times, and I had decided on pursuing a different doctor. After consulting with the new doctor, the first blow was the exorbitant fees for the treatment plan and I took that into consideration. That doctor ordered a battery of tests and presented a plan based on those results targeting my Hashimoto’s.

Before deciding on taking the plunge, I took those results back to my Naturopathic doctor and she discovered a reason for my fatigue which is, as she officially diagnosed, unrelated to the Hashimoto’s but a response to a viral infection. An infection of a virus that sits dormant in most people, is very common, and causes no symptoms. For me, something has caused it to activate and my body is actively fighting off resulting in the symptoms of fatigue.

I decided to forgo the exorbitant-fee doctor who missed those markers in the blood test and stay with my regular doctor who is targeting the treatment towards that infection.

That virus has been linked to chronic fatigue syndrome (now being looked at in association with long-covid symptoms) and I am making duas that I do not get the worst of it. Please remember me in your duas if you can, friend. I surely need them!

03 // Getting Ready for Residency

In a few short weeks, I will be hopping on a plane to attend a 5-day residency in a hotel room with 700 other therapy students and professors. While getting ready for it by reviewing the information, I also needed to buy a few things. Here is what I decided to order to prepare for a trip which will require carrying notes and taking notes (and one other item for keeping those notes).

This expanding file folder where I organized the numerous printouts for assessments, therapeutic models, and crisis intervention PDFs for reference at the residency.
This zippered padfolio as a throwback to my college days where I used one of these to carry everything. This will be playing its part once more in this (and future) official events.
These hanging file folders to organize the paperwork to take (in no. 1) and for future PDF organizations exclusively for my studies and the next residency. I keep them near my desk in a dedicated hanging file holder.
This backpack as the big splurge because I wanted something that looks sleek, is mini for my short frame, and not like the backpacks I carried in middle school 🙂

04 // Back to Reading

Not only am I focusing on reading, but I am trying different methods to retain more information so I can actually remember some of the amazing books that I have read. This video is where I based my new approach on which addresses remembering and recalling what I have read. I am also trying this approach to tackle grad school readings.

If you are interested, here is what I ordered to get started on the retention and reading from books based on the first video: Index card holder, index cards (these are a little more flimsy than I would like), Book Tabs, Dual Tip highlighters.

Here are the recent books that I have read/am reading. You can read my reviews and ratings on my Goodreads profile

I hope you enjoyed this issue of Wednesday Musings, friend. Please know that I miss you and that you are in my duas. My instagram hiatus is still very strong and ongoing, with no news of when my return will be. I hope to continue hopping into your inbox once in a while to share with you my happenings through these letters, insha’Allah.

Sending you lots of love,

Samia