Issue 012: People in Our Lives

Assalam o Alaikum friend,

This week I am starting another university quarter with an exciting (and nerve-racking) twist. This course is part of the two where an in-person, four-day residency is required. Imagining myself surrounded by students and well respected faculty members is making me feel all sorts of ways. I will be surely looking back at moments of gratitude from last week when life was simpler without coursework and endless hours to focus on tackling house projects. With a lot of breaks in between, alhumdulillah I managed to tackle all of my to-do list!

Today I want to write to you about a realization that occurred to me after mulling over the fact that we are a childless couple.

01 // Who do you make dua for?

It was not too long ago when I sat down to think who will make dua for me after I am gone. Surely, my husband and immediate family will remember me every now and then, should they still be alive. But what about decades from then? I do want to say, dear friend, that my hope is that you will remember me sometimes in your intimate conversations with Allah ﷻ should your life extend far beyond mine.

Seeing my parents remember theirs in their duas made me think of our situation. We do not have children who can fulfill that role. Granted, there is no guarantee that all children end up being on a righteous path (and I pray that all of yours do, allahumma ameen) but I have grown up with a certain sense of certainty that they do make dua for their parents. The reality of it and whether it is a fair expectation is a topic for another time.

After going through several avenues in my mind, I realized that our situation will be no different than many of our grandparents, great-grandparents, great-great-grandparents, whose bodies lie in various burial grounds oft forgotten. Just take a trip to your nearest cemetery and the reality of the distraction of dunya will become apparent. The older the headstones, the more dust, the more difficult to read.

It was after that line of thinking that I realized that it was a disservice to our ancestors to be forgotten. Duas have a way of connecting people and means of paying back a little of any good that they might have done. Since then, I have made it a personal practice to devote a part of my duas to those that have passed. I vaguely remember an aunt with her thick, black braided hair covered with a shawl who was unmarried, without children, and maintained that status until her death. I feel a certain sense of camaraderie with her as a woman. A whisper of situations that mimic mine even if in small ways.

Let this be an encouragement for you, , to consider adding the unnamed ones in your routine duas so that they might benefit long after their book of deeds have reached the final chapter. And perhaps, through this deed, Allah ﷻ will appoint people who will do the same for you.

02 // Those that have harmed

I have a secret. Well, not really a secret but you might need to know it. Undoubtedly like you and many others, I have come across people who have harmed me in one form or another. And also undoubtedly, I have also been in positions where I regret my role. These situations used to stir up in my chest to the point where I would feel them struggling to move on. Like indigestion, they sit, stir up unnecessary fluids, and leave us feeling unfulfilled, unrested, and lost in thoughts of “what-ifs” and “should’s”. The secret to overcoming that is very simple and, as per my personal experience, it works beautifully.

I remember reading about it in one of the prescriptions for the diseases of the heart in this book and it has stayed with me ever since.

Ready?

Make dua for them.

Not the one with exasperated whispers for them to realize their evil ways and experience consequences of their decisions. Not the kind that neither soften the heart nor open it to receive goodness. Not at all. But a different kind of dua that requests Allah ﷻ to bless them with more than what you have. Duas where you sincerely implore that He grants them health, protection from harm, increase in their rizq, guidance towards His Pleasure. Duas for a happy and successful life of dunya and of the aakhirah. Yes, exactly that kind of dua.

This is not limited to those who have harmed but also for those scenarios (perhaps, even more so) where you inadvertently participated in something unbecoming against another.

This is a kind of dua that opens your heart, relieves it of burdens, rids it of certain diseases that can fester without us knowing. These are the duas that make that experience something that actually brings you closer to your Rabb.

These are also the kind of duas that train your tongue to speak only good of anyone and lose its inclination to the opposite.

Make dua for them.

Really. Try it, persist in it, if you haven’t, and see how your heart settles. And it will insha’Allah.

03 // Interesting Tidbits

This may not be your cup of tea but should you want to learn more about the happenings around death and dying, this documentary on Showtime is worth a watch. It is raw, it is real, and it is an honest glimpse at catching something extremely difficult.
I used to dislike playing any games on the phone but I have become a different person these days (who is she?) and am sort-of obsessed with these escape-room style mysteries, and this hidden-object game where you also build an island which has been my personal escape.
These ice-cream bites as a special treat for someone who prefers eating clean. We both love the vanilla flavor and get it at our nearest Whole Foods.
This whimsical article about lonely cats.
This as a gift for those whose cats don’t decimate anything green (a.k.a. Not me).

Thank you for spending this time with me today, . I hope this week you find heartfelt joy and fulfillment at least once, the kind that leaves you breathless and finds in your heart the forgotten reserves of gratitude.

With love,

-S