2020 – Ten Things I Learned This Year

Ah, 2020: You started off with so much gusto. People liked the way you sounded, your name rolled off easily from the tongue, and everyone looked forward to a new decade. Just as we were getting used to changing the final two numbers on the date, you flipped us over the head and begin to take us through one of the most unpredictable, life changing years of our lives – well, a lot of ours anyway.

Although this year brought many challenges, it also provided opportunities upon opportunities to reflect and grow within our own unique circumstances. I don’t know which pathways you were led through, my friend, but I want to share with you ten things that I learned in 2020:

1. You Matter – This year begin with a bang and I had to make tough decisions which asked for self-sacrifice yet demanded self-respect. I felt shaken to the core and it invoked emotions in me which I did not anticipate. I was deeply hurt and for the first time that I could admit, I needed help in moving on. The needing of help and seeking it out was the difference between leading a fulfilling life or a life that felt as if it was stuck in the middle of a railroad track, a sitting duck for the next attack to come. Allah ﷻ opened the doors to facilitate me working with a life coach. I decided that I mattered enough and the rest is history. So, dear reader, you matter. You definitely, absolutely, unquestionably, undeniably matter. Invest in yourself, take care of You and live a fulfilling life.
2. Manage Your Expectations – What we expect from others may be unjust and not for the reasons you might think. Sometimes our expectations are unreasonably high and we want people to meet them beautifully and perfectly. Other times, our expectations are just right. We have a reasonable standard and everyone should be able to meet it. “Should” is an important word. The reality is that many people are broken. There are numerous people carrying the weight of their traumas on their shoulders. Each triggering event just adds onto those traumas, filling them with pain, triggering unwanted emotions, and they have not been able to work through them with a professional. Then here we come barging in with our list of reasonable expectations that their bent back just can not stretch long enough to meet. This is when we need to manage our expectations – either lower them to meet the person halfway, or withdraw altogether. Both are individual and personal choices. Make those choices knowing the consequences, be completely content with them, and move on.
3. Choices are Everything – Each day we wake up with options to choose from and each day we live the consequences of those choices. Some consequences are heart warming while others end up landing on our lists of wish-I-hadn’ts. Do you know the most powerful thing about it? The choices are yours to make. You hold the key. You can choose to open whichever door your heart leans towards and walk right through it. Although it can feel frightening, in reality it is extremely empowering. The moment you realize that you alone are responsible for your choices, that’s the moment when you realize the power you hold in your own life. No one can call the shots. It’s only you. And if you have been gifted with faith in Allah ﷻ, then you have nothing to fear.
4. Slow Down – Oh dearest friend, slow down. You know the people I mentioned carrying the burden of unhealed trauma? That just might be you. Slow down, put a break on whatever can wait, and take a breather. You are doing enough. You do not need to keep pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone because this person on this blog has pushed you towards it. No. Just slow down, breathe in gratitude, breathe out hope. Evaluate your situation, observe your circumstance as if from a distance, and allow compassion to overpower all other emotions that arise during this exercise. What happens with the constant push towards what we want is that we don’t realize our muscles have been straining through it. They need to breathe. Our Deen provides us with the opportunity daily but most of the time, if you are anything at all like me, we rush through those opportunities, bow our heads in prayer almost thoughtlessly, and then just keep pushing. So, slow down. We only have one life that counts… live it faithfully.
5. Build Your Spiritual Toolbox: During the pandemic, we all learned that in the end, we are all alone. If we have to look out for ourselves then we will find that the journey is a lonesome one. Such drastic dips in the quality of life where the entire world looks and feels different than before can feel incredibly burdensome except if our hearts are constantly strengthened by our faith in Allah ﷻ. If our spiritual toolbox is empty, then we find ourselves fishing elsewhere for the same comfort. The comfort which comes from anyone other than Allah ﷻ and the teachings of His Messenger ﷺ is short lived. In contrast, the comfort that comes from the Infinite is itself infinite in nature. So, build your spiritual toolbox. Add in as many tools as you can, understand their usage and practice them often, so that when the world shifts further – and it will – then you will be well prepared.
6. Take that Step: One of the scariest things to do is delve into something new within yourself. I have found that second-guessing (and even third guessing) has been a way that has stifled my growth. Things have come across my path which I have thought over to the point of redundancy. The most amazing things that happened were those which I gave reasonable time to before moving forward with tawakkul in Allah ﷻ alone.
7. Don’t hold yourself back: This year, I learned how much my internal dialogue informed by past experiences and cultural expectations have been holding me back from enjoying life to the fullest. I am still shocked as I write about it because it is a fairly recent lesson at the time of writing this post. I allowed myself to feel pressured and burdened by those expectations which then consumed everything within me and around me. I felt stressed, overwhelmed and exhausted towards the end of it. There was no tangible reason, only the whispers of the invisible dialogue! Once I talked myself out of it and reminded myself to let go and be led by the body languages and signs – real evidence -, everything became much more enjoyable. My friend, if you find yourself burdened by something, evaluate whether it is external factors that are causing the burden or if it is that pesky internal dialogue, then do something about it.
8. Learn to let go: This year, I let go of several business and personal goals due to either me recognizing my changing ambitions or my limitations. I also had to let go of my perceived idea of relationships. Letting go opens up opportunities to create space for better things. Sometimes what we consider beloved things are actually clutter and dust accumulating on the window of our souls, weighing it down and obstructing the view. With each wipe, allow the sun rays to filter in and bask in the view that has been hidden for so long. Let go, breathe out, trust in Allah ﷻ and make room for growth.
9. Barakah is everything: You can have the grandest mansion filled with things you love on the highest cliff overlooking the most beautiful view you ever thought you could see but if there is no barakah in it, then it will still seem not enough. You could have a full bank account with the savings spilling over, but if there is no barakah in your income, finances will still cause anxiety every day. Similarly, you could be doing a hundred things in a day to become more productive and get to that to-do list, but if there is no barakah in your time, no actual progress will be made. Barakah. is. everything. It’s a good thing that we know how to seek it and look for it. And as a believer, this is an exclusive gift from Allah ﷻ to us alone. Use it.
10. Dhikr is the answer: This year begin my journey into dhikr and I am amazed at how much simple remembrances effect the everyday quality of my life. Dhikr is literally the answer to all problems whether they are interpersonal, physical, mental, health, financial or social. Get into a regular habit of dhikr while understanding the meaning and the origin of what you are reciting. I learned that if I want to live my life purposefully, then dhikr has to be part of it, or life will be the exact opposite.

It is always enjoyable to go through the year and accumulate these lessons. I hope you find benefit in them, that they propel you towards a better, more fulfilled, more humble, and a more trusting version of You.

-S