12 Lessons I learned in 2021

January

Major events: Riot at the Capitol, Trump is temporarily banned from twitter, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris are sworn in, Robinhood blocked people and reddit caused stock market insanity

Personal events: Celebrated birthday myself due to hubby being away, emotionally broke away from a narcissistic relationship, experienced growth on Instagram, started the “Salaam Pages” podcast.

Adapt

Events will rattle you, things might seem uncertain around you, people might be restless in their seats, but adapting is the only way to survive. You wanted to go left but ended up being steered right? Adapt to a different view while knowing the destination through this path is even more beautiful. The world doesn’t seem fair? Adapt to the “unfairness”, learn the ways of the world, maintain your morality, and make decisions with this new lesson. It might hurt a little and it may even feel a little scary, but understand that the world has always been this way. You’ve just begun realizing it.

February

Major events: Severe storm in Texas took out heating and power from thousands of homes.

Personal events: HUGE good news that I still have to keep in confidence, hubby came home after two months away, welcomed a Monstera plant that I’ve always wanted, got a hammock in our balcony and finally got nightstands, roadtrip to Flagstaff, AZ, Sunnah Family began the Istighfar challenge on IG, and hubby got vaccinated against Covid

Uncertainty

Trust in those who have done the work. I think we as humans want to rely on something that validates our current understanding of the world. It is hard to consciously make a change and shift our perspective. It can be a little painful to have to correct ourselves. That’s when we have to rely on those who have done the work to be qualified to give answers. Our faith has always valued scholarship and we have always been ones to value evidence based research (look at our Hadith structure, it is all evidence based scholarship). It is tempting to find extreme answers to extreme questions, but know that although those answers may seem comforting they are extreme for a reason. We as a family decided to get vaccinated due to that evidence which is not only supported by the western medicine system (which I have an extreme distrust for) but also by the herbal community, one that does not believe in heresy but rather has a strong bases on scientific evidence. Do what you feel is right for your body as there are still questions about vaccine interactions with some chronic illnesses, so if you still need to, do your part of doing shura (consulting with degree holding professionals/experts, not internet sleuths), do istikharah and make the final decision.

March

Major events: None listed.

Personal events: Discovered I had candida, put lights in the balcony to finish the oasis, bed frame arrived that I purchased from a close friend, installed cabinets in the washer/dryer for first minor renovation of our home, got my ear plugged, finished the Istighfar Challenge, got vaccinated against Covid and enjoyed the day trip to Prescott at the same time, struggled a lot with continued challenging health concerns, my sister, Samar, came for a visit.

Today is important

It is tempting to see the end result and sometimes that result ends up keeping us focused on the future. However, today is important. The process of growth, the decision making, the joyful times and the sad times, they are all important. I know too well the desire to constantly live in the highlight reels of life but the highlights are only there due to the low ones. Give each day its importance and use it to grow.

April

Major events: None listed.

Personal events: Went to the farmer’s market with Samar on a hot day, test drove a Tesla for fun, got an ice cream maker, tiles were installed in our Harry Potter closet (under the stairs), started Ramadan and got the second vaccine for Covid with some strong side effects, executed a first paid sponsorship post, celebrated our 9th anniversary, Samar made us a paleo chocolate cake

Trust in the Divine

Allah ﷻ makes you go through challenging times so that when that big moment comes, you can truly appreciate it. Sometimes the sweetness of the fruit lies in climbing that tree. Is that a saying already? Because I feel it to be so true. I remember in my gardening days when I would nurture the tree for months and months with fertilizations, proper prunings and timely waterings just to feel delight at the mere appearance of a fruit. Life is not much different. The hardships you go through, whether big or small, they are leading you towards your very own fruit. Knowing that the fruit exists is where trust in the Divine comes in. Can you imagine a life where all one sees is destruction because they don’t know their Rabb? Rejoice in the fact that you know that there is nothing worth placing our trust on other than Allah and He provides for the believers in ways that He does not do for others.

May

Major events: Palestine movement made progress (horrifically) with the #savesheikhjarrah and subsequent bombing, ceasefire and a new extremist Israeli prime minister was appointed

Personal events: Got a surprise harvest of strawberries, finished the garden bed shade in the courtyard (but struggled a lot with keeping it up), begun treatment with a chiropractor, Samar left, finished the washer/dryer renovation and loved it, my parents moved into their apartment, we found a discarded kitty that we really wanted to keep, discovered a halal fried chicken place in downtown Phoenix, started a new treatment

The Divine Plan is always good

I think this year I learned to trust in the Divine plan because this month cemented it for me. Things happen that look horrendous from our perspective, they may make our insides turn and we may begin to lose faith in humanity but we must know and believe that the Divine Plan is always, always good. We witnessed a lot of horror this month due to increased awareness (a horror which, quite frankly, has been experienced by many for quite a few decades now), but a believer knows that this, even the worst it and especially the worst of it, is all part of a plan where the ending is good. Individually, it may be a different story because our responses are what’s recorded so focus on that alone.

June

Major events: Masajid begin to open up,

Personal events: Attended our first jummah back, discovered a new halal restaurant which we then learned was not halal, got news about moving to New Mexico, an emergency trip to Orlando, FL., went to Mount Dora for the first time

Your plans are only plans

I saw myself living in the same home for decades ahead. However, the reality was different. I was supposed to leave the State entirely and relocate to a smaller, much smaller town. That was The Plan all along. So don’t put stock in your own abilities. You may be very good at something, yes, but that does not mean that you have anything in control. Your skillset is always limited and its usefulness is dependent on what Allah has decreed. However, don’t let that dissuade you from enjoying life. Know that the current plan that you’ve laid out for yourself may not work out, but wasn’t it fun to plan? Wasn’t it fun to dream a little? Wasn’t it fun to lay the foundation for it? Didn’t you learn so much from just mulling over it? You aren’t supposed to win at life, you’re supposed to live it. So do that. Dream on. Make all the plans. If things work out as you’ve planned, express gratitude to Allah ﷻ in the most beautiful ways. If they didn’t, go back to trusting in the Divine Plan and knowing that it is always, always good at the end.

July

Major events: None listed.

Personal events: Got new stove and dishwasher, begun selling plants and everything else to get ready for the move, hubby went away for two months, Blessed 10 days of Dhul Hijjah + Eid-ul-Adha, had the worst depressive episode yet, colored my hair for the first time

Find Your Anchor

What keeps you standing? What is that one thing that reminds you to hold on until tomorrow? That is your anchor. At the worst of times, hold onto that anchor that stops you from drowning in life. Many times people criticize the idea of heaven or hell because they feel that fear of hell is not a proper way to live. But how many people have stopped committing transgressions simply due to that fear? I imagine a person living through financial challenges who knows that he can do things under-the-table but stops initiating corruption simply due to the fear of Allah’s punishment. Or a person struggling with anger who is moved to committing violence but holds back due to that fear and seeks help. On the other hand, how many people have done good despite their nafs telling them the opposite due to their hope in Allah’s rewards? Someone might have been holding on to their savings account and did not want to help that one person they knew in need but knowing that Allah’s rewards are available for those who give sadaqah, s/he extended their hand and relieved the crippling burden for someone. Your anchor may be one of those two things or it may be something else entirely, but find your anchor that stops you from transgressing against your self in the most trying of times and keeps you hanging onto goodness during the best ones.

August

Major events: None listed.

Personal events: Depressive episode continued, hubby came back, we went on a house hunting trip to New Mexico, explored a little and found a place to live for the foreseeable future

Explore the old and the new

Looking at all travel bloggers going from one country to the next, it might seem like you’re missing out on the world. But you know what? There is something to explore even in the oldest of places. Head out there to find the nearest park or a new store that you’ve never been to or drive through that area which you’ve always wondered what it looks like. Sometimes similar places can be refreshing through moments of reflections. That one tree that you’ve seen a million times before might give you something new to think about in accordance to your current life. And if, like me, you find yourself in the least liked places, then aim to find the gems hidden in the rubble. Explore, explore, explore to find new things and make it worthwhile with quiet moments of just you existing in that space. Elevate that moment with the dhikr of Allah ﷻ and it will become the most healing of experiences.

September

Major events: None listed.

Personal events: Moving madness begin, movers packed our home, we left home with the cats, VRBO’d our way in the almost-9 hour drive to our temporary home in a new city

Plant ease along the way

Life is challenging enough so why not make it doable by finding as much ease as possible. If the home is difficult to maintain, try to squeeze in a monthly professional cleaning or even a bi-yearly deep cleaning. If the drive is too long, make stops in the middle to get some rest. If the study session is too extensive, do some stretches during the breaks and get that happy drink. Plant ease along the way. It only has to be easy for you, no one else has to understand or even relate. That ease is yours alone and if making it happen will lessen the impact of the task at hand, then try your best to schedule it. There can be a lot of guilt involved when you’re planning for that self care appointment but work through it, realize what is it that’s causing you to feel guilt, and switch it around. For me, I understand full well that if I don’t seek that ease, then it is only me that will suffer at the end. People around you might not be effected but you know that it will impact you in all sorts of uncomfortable ways. So go ahead, schedule that ease with gratitude.

October

Major events: None listed.

Personal events: Our items were delivered and we moved into our new home, unpacking madness ensued, found a store that catered to a lot of my dietary needs, sold our Phoenix home

Being sad and accepting fate can happen at the same time

Feeling sadness does not disqualify you from being a believer. Divorcing our humanity from our spiritual existence can have a pretty harsh effect. Feel that pull in your heart which longs to be content but also goes through waves of sadness and remind yourself that sadness is not only your experience, but it is also a prophetic experience. Comfort yourself with the truth that life’s challenges are called “challenges” for a reason and it is okay to be happy in one moment and sad in another. You can be happy with Allah’s blessings but still feel a little sadness from what was lost. If that sadness is pervasive, then reflect on what is causing it and see if an outside perspective will iron those out (which might include coaching and/or therapy). This is not to say that rebelling against Allah’s Decree is okay, that’s not it at all. Accepting it and struggling through it is a normal human experience. I found myself experiencing that throughout the move this year and I was struggling to understand it when without even asking for it, this one random DM on Instagram shifted my reality. Allowing yourself to feel emotions gives you the moments of reflection which eventually end up helping you more than you thought they would.

November

Major events: None listed.

Personal events: Making house feel like a home, got great health news, hosted an IG friend as the first guest, visited El-Paso, TX. for the first time and loved it, got halal meat, bought some new plants, finally picked out a dining table, visited Albuquerque, NM, started making memory journaling reels on IG

Always have hope

The thing about living in this dunya is its creative ways of not fulfilling your expectations. You might take one step believing that the result would be one thing and you find yourself shaking your head that the result was something else entirely. Always have hope that good things are coming. Have hope that Allah ﷻ has prepared a gift for you somewhere along the way and it will come at exactly the time that it needs to. Have hope that your troubles will alleviate, have hope that one challenge will become easier, have hope that Allah ﷻ is with those who trust in Him and do the work, have hope that even though your dream was not fulfilled yet, it will one day and the feeling will be indescribable.

December

Major events: Record breaking storm in Malaysia

Personal events: Visited a lake, changed personal life goals and begin planning for our future semi-permanent home, got vaccine booster, released a newer version of Wednesday Musings

Seeing the wisdom

It all comes down to something. That change in direction? That obstacle in the way? That closed door? That disappointing interaction? That painful experience? It all comes down to something in the Divine Wisdom. Sometimes that wisdom is shown to you almost immediately, sometimes it takes a year to see it and sometimes even longer. But if you’re seeking for it, it will come your way and the sweetness of it will make everything worth it. I have gone through several instances in life where I have failed to understand why something has happened and I struggle to digest it. But every single one of those instances ended up in me feeling gratitude of it happening in the first place once the wisdom was revealed. There is one such situation that I am currently going through but I know for a fact that there is Divine wisdom and result of it will be worth all of this. So know that the wisdom will eventually come – sometimes it will come on the Day of Judgment. The Hadith about people seeing those who suffered in the world receiving such great rewards that they would wish that they had suffered as well comes to mind (if you have the hadith, then please share it as I could not find it at the time of writing this post).

You may be reading this in 2021 or a few years from now, I hope that my lessons bring you some comfort and clarity in your life insha’Allah. If you find yourself vehemently disagreeing with something that I’ve said, that is completely okay. These are my lessons after all which pertain to the understanding of my worldview. Regardless, I hope this post gave you something to think about.

With much love and if Allah permits, I’ll see you at the same time next year.

-S